Blog template Rock the Crossbar: 10 Best moves..

Rock the Crossbar

Thursday, November 16

10 Best moves..

This is magic… some Japanese’s or somesuch jabbering on. Allow me to translate what I think They’re saying.. NUMBER 10: THE STEPOVER I am magic at this. Or I was until I got a “star-kick”. This fella is doing it much to fast, they should be ponderously slow – and only use one leg. That double one is just for show-offs. This get’s an 8 for aesthetics and a 4 for effectiveness NUMBER 9: BURKIE’S SHUFFLE HOP This is utter gash. I remember seeing it live and thinking ‘Twat.’ I’m sure Burkie invented in 1988. It’s horrific. Real togger-ballers don’t do this. Serves him right when he fluffs it th second time. It gets a 5 for stupidly and 8 for ‘likely to get slapped by the P.E. teacher for trying it.” NUMBER 8: PELE’S DUMMY ACROSS THE BALL. Very nice.. ‘cept he misses. Actually he’s also famous for missing with a lob from the halfway line vs. the Czechs and for Gordon Bank’s save. Pele is famous for missing. He’s shoite. Pele gets a 6 for football ambassadorship “I think <> is the new Pele!” and an 8 for getting handjobs from a man with the rest of the Brazilian team. NUMBER 7: THE ‘RAINBOW’ Phhh! Those silly Chinese’s should be showing ‘escape to victory / victory’ for this. It’s alright. I’ve tried it in a game about 10 times and it’s worked about once. Swiss fella manages to add a turn into it, and he’s against Brazil, so fair play. He gets an 8 for ‘cheeky monkey’ and a 6 for usefulness. NUMBER 6: THE FAT CHIPMUNK SHUFFLE How is this 6th? Is it better than 10-7? Does this mean we will be seeing the ‘Lee Sharpe hoof and run’ in the top 3? It gets a 6 for ‘fat’ and a 9 for ‘chipmunk’. NUMBER 5: THE INSIDE HEEL FLICK. Drogba and C Ronaldo both have this as a staple. Its probably more effective than impressive. It gets a 7 for “cheeky monkey’ and a ‘9 for usefull’ NUMBER 4: SHOVEL IT OVER THEIR NOGGIN. Er, we’ve all done this. Decent finish from the guy, though… Gets an 8 for “easy” and a 9 for “peasey” NUMBER 3: ‘THE MARADONNA’ Still looks good today. Its also in this move somewhere: It gets a 10 and an 8. Fairy ‘nuff. NUMBER 2: THE HEEL-HOOK FLICK. Errrr. Its okay. I think we’ve all tried it. Number 2? No way. I think Burkie Loves this one. It gets a VERY generous 10 and 9. NUMERO UNO: The ermm – just watch it. Class, but not the best IMHO. It gets 2 tens. You should see your doctor if you’re too tense. Surprised they don’t have: The double kick thingy there you‘re-kick’ the ball to change its direction, The Puskas, The step and push. ETC BONUS: END MONTAGE. The music is by RtCB’s own Simon Burke and is is called “electro-chicken”. Ta.


  • How you find these things I don't know. #9 is so bad may need to try it this weekend for a laugh except the laugh would be on me. Entertaining albeit long

    By Blogger Chris P, at 10:55 PM  

  • Just seen this - great stuff.
    Clearly the best one is number 2, heel flicky thing and i say this as i have actually done it a few times , basically stick leg out, keep eye on roughly where it goes and sprint to it with pace. Really skilful (cough).
    Music is awesome ,reminds me of my old Commodore 64.
    Fat Chipmunk wouldnt even make my Bolton best 10 moves. Hoof and punt, punt and hoof etc..

    By Blogger Simon Burke, at 8:55 PM  

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